It may sound weird to you, but I’m not a person who likes to receive actual birthday presents. Birthday presents cards, however, are quite another matter. I guess I’d better explain.

As a child, and most definitely as a teen, I knew exactly what I wanted (and what I just had to have) for all gifting occasions, especially for my “focus-only-on-me” birthdays. I didn’t need any prompting to produce my list, with detailed descriptions. As an adult, I realized that my children’s homemade gifts and homemade birthday cards were more loved than the finest jewels. I also found that I’d rather select my own clothes than to go through the agony of surreptitious return or the embarrassed wearing of things that looked hideous on me, in an effort to not hurt someone’s feelings. The more birthdays I’ve had, the more I realize that I don’t need anymore knick-knacks or trinkets in my life. Also, if I come across something that I do really want in my life, I’ll gladly buy it for myself.

None of this means that I want my birthday to be forgotten. Quite to the contrary, I want my birthday to be remembered and acknowledged by lots and lots of people. I start watching for my personal birthday cards several days in advance. The first birthday card to arrive always makes me feel like I’ve won a lottery prize. I tend to reread each of the birthday cards multiple times. I line up the birthday cards at home on my fireplace mantel and I line up the greeting cards at work atop my cubicle; the more birthday cards, the merrier.

When I get birthday presents cards (that is, birthday cards that picture one or more beautifully wrapped gift packages), it’s like getting the delight of opening that tempting package without disturbing the fancy wrapping (like “having your cake and eating it, too!”). To me, the best birthday presents are birthday cards, and plenty of them, because the greeting cards represent the very richest of presents – the warmth and goodwill of family, friends and business associates.

I can’t remember where I learned this old Nigerian quote, but it came to mind recently when a friend sent me a birthday card. The quote is as follows: “Hold a true friend with both of your hands.”

My friend has been besieged lately with some complicated personal issues. We have been friends through more birthdays than I would care to say. In all of those years, I tried to be a good friend, but I did not necessarily always remember to send her personal birthday cards. After all, in today’s world what does it take…three minutes to dash off an emailed happy birthday? I mean, we’re all terribly busy, but the truth is that seeing a greeting card envelope in the mailbox brings a smile to anyone’s face. The extra effort really isn’t such a hassle if you keep assorted birthday cards on hand.

I realize now that I wasn’t holding this precious commodity of friendship with both hands. Shame on me! All it takes is the foresight to keep a box of birthday cards at the ready. My dear friend never neglected me, even though I’m sure she noticed my neglect, or mentioned my omission, even though I am sure I would have found a way to express my disappointment if she ever forgot my birthday card.

I guess what I want others to get from reading this is that when you never want to lose something as important as a true friendship, you need to hold it with both hands.

My vivacious grandmother, who would have celebrated her 100th birthday last November, kept a busy social calendar. In the Roaring Twenties-era storage trunks that she secured with worn brown leather belts – buckle and all – I recently came across a set of her beloved scrapbooks, which she had begun in high school and continued to fill throughout her life. What struck me was that in each book, amid the newspaper clippings, letters, and photographs that meant so much to her, she had dedicated several pages to personal birthday cards that had been given to her and that she especially treasured.

As attractive as these assorted birthday cards were, I knew this wasn’t why she had held onto the greeting cards. She was touched by how the birthday cards were personalized. All of the birthday cards were inscribed with a loving, handwritten message from one of her friends or family members. “A friend no finer could I find; while I’m no poet, I hope you love me enough not to mind…” reads one in flowing script. Another, from her father, expresses how proud he is of the “strong and resolute young lady” she has become. I found a few poignant business birthday cards from coworkers, one of whom wished her “a birthday as gorgeous and inspiring as you are,” this in the midst of Grandma Tjo’s grueling cancer treatments.

For most of these greeting cards, it likely took the senders only a minute or two to write good wishes to my grandmother. I wish they all knew what that meant to her.