What is a Museum Art Masterpiece?

Patient is lying in his psychologist’s office on a chestnut-colored chair. His psychologist is sitting five feet away in a nearby, slightly peeling red vinyl chair. The left-handed psychologist scribbles notes with a leaky ball pen that keeps smudging across her hand as she writes down the patient’s symptoms.

Patient: And I can’t even eat my favorite pepperoni pizza slice from the local shop anymore without thinking that the sauce tastes like ground-up anchovies on moist cardboard.

Psychologist: Could it be possible that your favorite pizza shop is actually using ground anchovies?

Patient: No…that’s impossible. I’m half-kosher.  Anyway, there is definitely something wrong with me. I don’t seem to care about anything anymore. NOT ONE THING. But Oh …

(Something catches the Patient’s eye in the corner of the psychologist’s office.)

Psychologist: Yes, please continue.

Patient: Oh. I was just thinking that was a nice piece of artwork you have there.

(The psychologist suddenly stands up in eager excitement. She walks over to the wall hanging the artwork, removing it and bringing it back for the patient to peer closely at.)

Psychologist: (excited) This? I got this for Christmas from a recovered patient. It’s called a Museum Art Masterpiece card. This particular one is by Pierre-Auguste Renoir called “River Landscape.”

Patient: This is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen since my wife left me. The incredible 9” x 12” double-matte full-colored art print reproduction really touches my soul.  Also, I can’t get over how classy the gold foil border and cream-colored card stock appear. Please, I must have this.

Psychologist: Well … um see this one is mine. But – (seeing the disappointed look on the patient’s face) – you can buy more from the Gallery Collection online. Each Museum Art Masterpiece card comes in a richly embossed green cover engraved with your greeting choice and personalized imprint in gold foil.

Patient: I’m going to buy them on my smartphone right now. Do they only have pieces by Renoir?

Psychologist: No, they also have Claude Monet, Vincent Van Gogh, Childe Hassam, Paul Ganguin, Camille Pissarro, Colin Campbell Cooper, Charles Neal and more.

Patient: Wow, I don’t know which one to choose from.

Psychologist: “Starry Night” by Van Gogh is a classic and one of my favorites.

Patient: Thanks Doc, I think I’m cured!

Psychologist: OK.